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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29622372">Crest Control</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheeseAndCake/pseuds/CheeseAndCake'>CheeseAndCake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Afterlife, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Ending, Disturbing implications, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mind Control, My Unit | Byleth Is An Emotional Wreck, One Sided Edelgard/Byleth - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, They're brushed over pretty quickly but still there, Trauma Recovery, it's brief but still there, why is that a tag?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:01:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29622372</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheeseAndCake/pseuds/CheeseAndCake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, my teacher, are you prepared to stand with me?” Edelgard looks hopeful in that moment, and they know their next words will break her heart, but they need to be said. Edelgard never truly understood there were far more casualties in war then those killed- people starved, and broke, and-</p><p>They open their mouth to say “This is too much Edelgard, it needs to stop.”</p><p>Instead, all that comes out is “I am.”</p><p>That’s when the nightmare begins.</p><p>(Many thanks to https://iturbide.tumblr.com/ for getting the idea off the ground and keeping it going! I really recommend reading their blog.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is entirely written due to my frustrations with the BE route. Feel free not to read it or hate it, since I shoved it on the internet to motivate myself to finish it. Now that that's over with, on the the train wreck!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When Thales had found the Fell Star’s body, he was overjoyed. It was a chance to study another one of the Goddess’ creations, and with the way the war was going, he wouldn’t even have to worry about trying to keep it in one piece. </p><p>Then, he noticed it was breathing, and an idea struck him. </p><p>Edelgard’s minor Crest of Seiros was always a nuisance, one they could study after the war, but the Fell Star only had the Crest of Flames. It was basically an empty vessel. The war's conclusion had been delayed long enough thanks to his <em>dear niece's </em>desire to find her teacher, it was time to end it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Byleth woke up on a river bank, half covered in mud. That was fine, they’ve been through worse. And luckily, the person standing over them wasn’t a bandit or anything of the sort, but just a concerned passer-by. </p><p>They needed to find out how long they had been asleep for, and where their students were. Those kids were all they had left. </p><p> </p><p>...Five years had passed. <em>Five years</em>, there had been a war going on. If their students remembered their promise, then they should all be close by.</p><p>They stood up and began to head to the monastery. They needed to-</p><p>
  <em>Survive no matter what, find Edelgard, assist and serve her to the best of their abilities.</em>
</p><p>-check on their students, and talk some sense into Edelgard, and <em>try </em>to end the war. Five years is far too long, and people had only ever known battles, not a continent spanning war.</p><p>They did, even if it was only in dreams, and the cost was far, far too high, but if they can stop the war now, then it’s for the best. Edelgard may not listen to them, but they have to <em>try.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So, my teacher, are you prepared to stand with me?” Edelgard looks hopeful in that moment, and they know their next words will break her heart, but they need to be said. Edelgard never truly understood there were far more casualties in war then those killed- people <em>starved</em>, and <em>broke</em> and-</p><p>They open their mouth to say “<em>This is too much Edelgard, it needs to stop.</em>”</p><p>Instead, all that comes out is “I am.”</p><p>That’s when the nightmare begins.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Byleth can’t tell anyone. Something’s <em>wrong</em>, and they can’t even get the point across. When they try to talk, the wrong words come out. Any time they try using sign language, their arms freeze up, any time they try writing, they break their quill, when they try using <em>morse code,</em> their eyelids just blink at random times. </p><p>They need to tell their students just how horrible this war is, how it’s alright if they want to run, and all that comes out is <em>support</em>.</p><p>When they fight, they fight with everything they have. Even when they <em>try</em> to be careless, they make sure the enemy is completely crushed. </p><p>They've killed people people for a war they didn't believe in. Their attack on Garreg Mach was one thing- Edelgard had planned the attack in advanced, they did what they could to try and limit casualties, and they were <em>planning </em>on talking Edelgard down as soon as they could. Ideally, it would be after the battle.</p><p>Now, there's been a five year war, all because they were a <em>coward.</em> </p><p>Judith mentioned Claude, when she d- when they killed her, and they feel sick knowing how this will probably end, because Claude may be a master tactician, but Sothis’ blessing means so much more.</p><p> </p><p>Unless they use up all the Divine Pulses before the battle. </p><p>They're never able to use it when they aren't fighting- it was almost an instinctual thing on the battlefield, but off it, they could barely remember how to access the Divine Pulse. There was only one way to replicate being cut down. </p><p> </p><p>Hesitantly, they take their dagger from their waist, and aim it towards their throat. If they die, Edelgard may surrender from lack of morale alone, or, if worse comes to worst, their death would give Claude and Dimitri the advantage they need.</p><p>Their arm freezes when they try to move it.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No no no no no.</em>
</p><p>They’re already working alongside their father’s killers, along side people who experimented on <em>children</em>, and they don’t even have the freedom to-</p><p>To-</p><p>They-</p><p>
  <em>Sothis, please!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They want to scream, but not a sound leaves their throat.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“He would be a good king.” They tell Edelgard, and almost blink in surprise. So, they can’t disobey her, or outright oppose her, but if asked they can give a… vague answer. </p><p>They doubt Edelgard understands the meaning behind their words, but maybe, with the seed planted, they can do this.</p><p>They just needed to stay on their toes, and try to guide Edelgard away when given the chance. </p><p>It was their only option.</p><p>They hear about Claude keeping the peace in the alliance between the two different beliefs, and they feel pride well up inside them. Claude may not have been one of their students in the Black Eagles, but he was always nice to talk to, and had ideals so similar and so different from Edelgard. </p><p>They just need to open their mouth at the right times, and maybe they can convince Edelgard to work with him rather than invade. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I know this because that knowledge is passed down from emperor to emperor.” <em>You mean the same emperors that became Those Who Slithered’s puppets? </em>Normally, they wouldn’t even try to say something so blunt or cruel, but at this point, their annoyance was spiking, and they couldn’t excuse themself or express it.</p><p>They had tried, gently, and not-so-gently, to poke at ideas and get Edelgard to question <em>something, anything</em> about her previous beliefs, but any time they try, it either comes out diluted and wrong, or doesn’t come out at all<em>. </em></p><p>Why couldn’t the person who found them have been a bandit?</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They look at Claude and-</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>They weren’t wrong when they said Claude would make a good king, and this only proved that statement correct, because Claude had the look in his eye of a king that would die before his people suffered.</p><p>They know what they need to do.</p><p>If they struck Claude down, the fighting would end with minimal casualties. As long as he stays down.</p><p>They almost wince as they remember Judith’s last words.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please, Sothis, let me spare Claude.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They make use of their flying units, and push to strike him down as quickly as possible. Thankfully, Claude seemed to have given everyone the order to come back alive, so they just need to make sure everyone is careful.</p><p> </p><p>They thank every god and goddess that they can think of when Edelgard gives them a questioning look. </p><p>“We should spare him. It’s unwise to make an enemy of Almyra.” Their words come out simple and concise and they want to collapse in relief. </p><p>They don’t, of course, but they nearly repeat <em>very</em> unrefined words that they learned during their mercenary years when Claude <em>shows up later behind enemy lines. </em>They knew he was curious, but that was <em>ridiculous</em>.</p><p>He’s leaving Fodlan, though, and that’s good, in a heart breaking way, because while they want him close by to try and rein Edelgard in- to keep bloodshed to the lowest level possible, they know it won’t work.</p><p>Just looking at her, watching him leave, they know she’s not going to stop. Maybe once she would have, but not anymore.</p><p>“...He really is difficult to understand.”</p><p><em>No, he’s not</em>, they want to say, but that would be directly opposing something Edelgard believes, <em>he just loves his people, and the idea of peace. </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Then forget what you saw! That’s an order!” They freeze, almost afraid that they <em>would </em>forget about the drawing, because they <em>can’t </em>disobey what Edelgard said. </p><p>Thankfully, they just leave the room, but the image of the drawing almost seemed to burn itself into their mind.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They rush to Seteth, because the orders were “defeat” and not kill, so if they hurry, they might just be fast enough to take him down before Edelgard realises they let him live.</p><p>Flynn arrives, and they want to throw their sword down, but they’re not that lucky.</p><p>They just need to reach her before the others do. They can do that. They have to do that. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“When I heard you were alive, Professor, I was so happy. But now... Now this? How can it be that you fight on that side?” <em>I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, my student. </em>“I cannot take your life, for I owe you mine, even now. And yet I cannot back away from this fight. When this is over, my brother and I will go into hiding. It is the only way.” </p><p><em>Good</em>. They think to themself as they aim at non-vital areas. If the two go into hiding, Edelgard would have no reason to look for them. </p><p>Small mercies.</p><p>When they return to the group, Edelgard doesn’t seem to notice or care that they spared two dragons. She’s far too busy counting the dead and wounded to. They try to feel guilty about the joy they feel, but they don’t. </p><p>The Empire may have won this battle, but it sustained heavy losses, and Byleth allows themself to <em>hope.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They’ve succeeded in taking the Iron Maiden. Of all the times for them to pull off a miraculous win, <em>this </em>had to be one of them?</p><p>Arundel enters, and he looks at <em>them </em>when asking about his suspicions. And they-</p><p>
  <em>Can not lie to him</em>
</p><p>-need to lie to him, they need to, because if they don’t-</p><p>“I don’t care either way.” They know, from the look in Cornelia’s eyes, that she knew something about this, but they can no longer bring themself to care. Those Who Slither have a hand in this, and they don’t care <em>how,</em> they just want it to <em>end. </em></p><p>Arundel seems to understand the truth, just by looking at them, though. Just by their movement- <em>Morse code </em>they realise with a new kind of terror. He knows that killing her was deliberate. </p><p>Byleth has a feeling that they know what’s going to happen next, and they try to feel horror, they really do.</p><p>The Iron Maiden <em>burns</em> along with the people inside it, and Byleth would scream or sob or break something if they had the energy to. Edelgard suggests hiding the truth- telling the others that the church committed the atrocity rather than her allies.</p><p>They don’t bother to try to openly disagree.</p><p>Later, when Edelgard and Hubert have retreated to their rooms, they try to tell the others the truth- that the church had nothing to do with the event, that there's more to this war then they know.</p><p>Nothing comes out.</p><p>They’re not surprised, but by <em>Sothis</em>, they wished they were.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I cannot shake the feeling of regret… regret that I must kill you now.” They want to smile. At this point, death at Di- <em>King</em> Dimitri’s hands would be a mercy, but one they don’t deserve. </p><p><em>I’m sorry too, </em>They don’t say, <em>it never should have come this far. I should have protected you.</em></p><p>They don’t aim to kill, but Edelgard decides to execute him anyway, and no amount of internal begging would stop her, or silence the King’s anger. A small, desperate, part of them hopes that if King Dimitri knew about their situation, he would-</p><p>They shut that thought down before it can continue. Anger would give them nothing, not now, when they can’t even act on it to save a life. </p><p>It’s meaningless.</p><p>“If only we were born in a time of peace.” <em>You were, Edelgard, you could have been brilliant.</em> They want to scream as the axe falls. He should have <em>lived</em>- he-</p><p>Edelgard called King Dimitri the “King of Delusion,” and yet- </p><p>Edelgard doesn’t even realise the mess that’s happening right in front of her, and she has the <em>gall</em> to call <em>Dimitri</em>, who looked at them with sadness after all they did, the “King of Delusion.”</p><p>They want to laugh at the irony of it all.<em> They want to claw at her-</em></p><p>No sound escapes their throat.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The capital burns, and they <em>need</em> to evacuate the civilians before they try anything else, Rhea- Seiros can wait, but the fires can’t, and they need to-</p><p>Edelgard orders Seiros’ death. </p><p>They ignore the people screaming in the flames. </p><p>Something in them breaks.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Seiros falls, a weight leaves their chest, and for just a moment, they feel <em>free.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know if I made any errors in the story! Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note- In this chapter, Edelgard married Byleth, who literally can't disobey her. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then you don't need to read it. </p><p>It also becomes an extreme AU from here on out, so if you're only interested in canon compliant, then it might be best to stop here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>Fate is cruel. </p><p>Perhaps, that is inaccurate. </p><p>People are cruel. They hurt each other for their own gain, and don’t even realise it, and it creates a cruel fate.</p><p>For just one moment, they were <em>free, </em>but that’s all it was: a moment. </p><p>After, Edelgard asks them to marry her. Of course, they say yes. </p><p>It’s not like they have any other choice.</p><p>They don’t say: <em>I never loved you in that way. Any love I felt for you died during the war. </em></p><p> </p><p>Everything starts to pass in a blur- their wedding, the “fight” with Those Who Slither, them lying to Edelgard about the status of the underground civilisation. They stop trying to fight it, they don’t try to follow it. Their body will obey either way.</p><p>Over the years, once Edelgard leaves the spotlight and forces a war orphan to take her place, they learn the following pieces of information:</p>
<ul>
<li>Rebellions have popped up in areas where Edelgard has placed figureheads, since people weren’t able to follow their own traditions, beliefs, or laws.</li>
<li>Hubert’s web is on its last legs. You can’t fight an enemy you know nothing about, and it’s nearly impossible to gather information on someone who can change their appearance.</li>
<li>Byleth is Edelgard’s main method of communicating with the outside world, and Byleth can’t break Edelgard’s world view.</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>Those Who Slither certainly knew what they were doing. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> It’s a warm evening when the knock on the door comes. Byleth had just finished putting away the dishes. As always, they’re the one to answer the door.</p><p>The man they open the door to is very clearly Agarthan, and high up in their order. His robes are luxurious and complicated, so it’s difficult to get a good idea on their figure, but their long hair and round face gives them a distinct look. </p><p>He gazes at Byleth, and smiles. </p><p>It’s not a safe smile. </p><p>“Ah, Fell Star! Good, you’re here.” His voice was rough, and only slightly deeper than Thales’, “You are no longer required to shelter Edelgard. Guard me with your life. Do not speak without permission. Make sure Edelgard does not escape.” </p><p>Without even waiting for a response, he walks past them and towards the living room Edelgard is relaxing in. They walk beside him, and when Edelgard sees them, she shrieks. </p><p>They envy her for that.</p><p>She looked between the two of them, opening and closing her mouth, before laughing. “Dear, I think I’m tired. I’m going to retire for the evening.”</p><p>She stands up, and tries to move past them, but Byleth grabs her wrist before she can leave. “Dear, now is not the time for-”</p><p>The Agarthan just laughs, and that seems to be all Edelgard needs to realise that this nightmare that they’ve been living in for the past few years is <em>real</em>. </p><p>“What are you doing, dear? Let me grab my weapons!” She tries to escape, but she hasn’t trained in years, while Byleth has. </p><p>“None of that <em>dear</em>,” The Agarthan began, apparently finding joy in mocking her, “The Fell Star only answers to us.”</p><p>The betrayal carving itself onto Edelgard’s face should have made them feel something, either satisfaction or sympathy, but neither stirs within them. </p><p>“You’re working with him?!” Edelgard forces the heel of her shoe onto their foot. “After everything we’ve been through together?!”</p><p>“Of course!” The Agarthan exclaimed, his smile stretching across his face. “Did you honestly believe the Fell Star <em>willingly </em>joined you? It’s followed us for years!”</p><p>“No.” Edelgard mumbled, her head bent. “You did something to them, and when I find out <em>what</em>-”</p><p>“Yes, yes, we took away its free will.” He waved his hand in a dismissive manner, “Honestly, it’s been like this for <em>years</em> with orders to serve you. I’m surprised you never noticed!” </p><p>Edelgard froze for a second. “Impossible, I would have <em>known</em>, you <em>bastard!”</em></p><p>“My <em>name</em> is Santos. I suggest you use it, for your sake.” He responds, voice sharp as he cuffs her hands behind her back with their help.</p><p>Once he’s sure the cuffs are secure, he grins. “If you truly <em>don’t</em> believe me, well, I’m feeling rather generous, so let’s hear what it really has to say!”</p><p>The support that was previously holding them up vanishes. Without it, they fall to their knees. They should stand, should stand, fight, do <em>something</em>.</p><p>“Please,” they whisper out, <em>if you ever held any love for me, </em>“kill me.” They stopped trying to use their voice after Dimitri died. Now, most of the things they said were along the lines of “Yes, El.” or “Of course, El.”</p><p>They hear Edelgard let out a broken sob, and whisper “Impossible” but they can’t bring themself to look at her.</p><p>“Oh, none of that! We still have use for your skill! It’s been so long since we’ve had a former <em>Emperor</em> as a guest!” Santos cleared his throat, “Fell Star, escort her!” </p><p>Byleth stands up and nods, grabbing her arm to pull her towards the carriage. On the way, they catch a glimpse of her face.</p><p>She looks almost as broken as they are.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They wish they could say that being moved from Edelgard’s residence to Those Who Slither’s base changes something, but they would be lying if they did. </p><p>There’s just a mission, and then the next one, and the next one, until it becomes a new blur of for them. They became use to the constant feeling of <em>wrongness</em> years ago.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Mercy arrives sooner than they expect, but later then they hope.</p><p>By now, Those Who Slither have probably already discovered how to bind Edelgard to their will. </p><p>Byleth can’t bring themself to feel sympathy for her. They did once, didn’t they? Before everything, their sympathy towards her was enough to convince them to try and protect her. Now, they can’t even feel pity.</p><p>In the Agarthan’s hands, they expected that they would die slowly, from old age if they were lucky- Those Who Sliver seem to have ways of keeping people alive longer than they should.</p><p>That’s not what happens.</p><p>Mercy arrives in the form of an army they’ve been sent to kill. It arrives in the form of a girl- no, a woman, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and the same crest as her older, long dead cousin. </p><p> </p><p>It arrives in the form of a Blaiddyd. </p><p> </p><p>Byleth has experience on their side, but it’s been years since they’ve fought someone equal, not to mention they no longer have Divine Pulse, and Dimitri’s cousin is faster, younger, stronger, and most of all, <em>wants</em> to win.</p><p>They’re so distracted by holding off the Blaiddyd they don’t react quickly enough when they feel their hairs on their neck stand up. </p><p>Failnaught’s arrow misses their heart, but they don’t dodge completely. </p><p>It hits their arteries, and there are no healers close by. </p><p>They almost laugh in relief. </p><p>“I’m sorry, teach, but it had to be done.” </p><p><em>Never</em> have they been so glad they spared Claude’s life.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They wake up, and they nearly panic about it.</p><p><em>Nearly</em>, because standing before them is Sothis. Sothis, who no longer looks like a child, whose presence practically <em>screams</em> regal, in a way that Rhea-Seiros had never been able to copy.</p><p>Byleth drops to their knees.</p><p>“I’m s- I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,I’mso-“</p><p>“Enough!” Sothis yells- and while her voice still has that same- dare they say- bratty tone, there’s a calmness that was never there before. “You don’t need to apologise, if anything, I should be apologising. I thought by separating my powers from you, you would be free. In the end, it did nothing. Your heart had been connected to mine for too long to erase your crest. <em>I’m</em> sorry.”</p><p>They laugh, and for once, it comes out of their throat. “S-Sothis, you- I was freed because I didn’t have Divine Pulse! And-“ because if she didn’t know, they needed to tell her, they needed to tell her that- “I killed Flayn! She trusted me, and I tracked her down, killed her, and brought her body back to- to…”</p><p>“I know,” She kneels down beside them, voice soft, “and I <em>don’t blame you</em>. You did all you could, and it’s time to move on.” </p><p>Sothis holds out her hand. Byleth doesn’t hesitate in taking it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...I just realised Byleth's death here is slightly similar to Nemesis' death on the Golden Deer route. ...I may have just made myself sad.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>From here the story will mainly focus on Byleth in the afterlife, as far as the living world goes, I have no plans on expanding it beyond this chapter, so anyone it free to use the idea in any way, shape, or form, they want.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The afterlife is nicer than they're expecting. There aren’t any flames, or eternal torment. There’s just a large field as far as the eye can see.</p><p>They can’t see anyone, and that’s fine. They don’t know what they would do if they met someone they killed- or someone who died before they became Those Who Slither’s puppet.</p><p> </p><p>They pick a direction, and start walking. </p><p> </p><p>They still have their dagger, and their old clothes- they look how they did before they fell, which makes sense considering that’s when they were happiest.</p><p>The sun, if there is one here, doesn't set, no matter how much time passes. It’s odd, really. They’ve been walking for a while, and they still haven’t found anyone. They don’t even know how long they’ve been walking for, since they don’t feel any hunger, or exhaustion, or any pain at all. They just keep walking.  </p><p>Eventually, they find a stream, and decide to follow it. It’s not like there are many other options. They follow it through a forest devoid of wild animals, and into a garden. </p><p>Well, They’re calling it a garden, but, while there’s definitely a variety of plants, said plants don’t seem to be ordered in any rhyme or reason besides avoiding the dirt path that they grow around.</p><p> </p><p>What surprises them is the man trying to individually remove each thorn on the rose bushes.</p><p> </p><p>They recognise him.</p><p>He’s the first person they’ve met here, and briefly, they wonder if this <em> is </em> the Fields of Torment, and they just didn’t realise. They dismiss the idea a moment later, because Sothis has never been, nor will ever be <em> that </em> cruel. If she believed they deserve to suffer, she would tell them to their face.</p><p>Hesitantly, they walk forward, hand on their dagger.</p><p>The man, noticing their approach, turns around, and blinks when he sees them. </p><p>“I was wondering why Sothis asked me to return here.” The man states, looking at Byleth with sad eyes. “I hoped that there would never be another one.”</p><p>He’s younger than in their dreams, but that makes sense, considering very few people are most alive and happy during war. </p><p>They nod their head in greeting. </p><p>“Nemesis.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Ivanna stands before the wreckage. Next to her, she hears Uncle Claude let out a low whistle. “Ohh, boy, whoever did this clearly has a score to settle with them.”</p><p>She nods, carefully. If she wasn’t so thankful at his attempt at lightening the mood, she would probably scold him- jokingly, of course. </p><p>When she agreed to take tunnels to Enbarr, she was expecting, at most, an ambush, not… whatever this was. </p><p>It looks like someone had managed to grab a weapon, and slaughter their way through the tunnel. </p><p>She signs ‘<em>Caution, proceed’ </em> at her comrades- people from all areas of life that came together in agreement that the Empire was <em> wrong </em>- and hesitantly moves forward. Michelle hurried to stay by her side, since as a thief, she had better eyesight in these tunnels then anyone else.</p><p>She taps Ivanna’s arm, and points ahead. There’s someone standing in the center of it all, with white hair and in a red dress. Ivanna almost doesn’t recognise her, but Uncle Claude does, since he suddenly steps in front of her. Which- is slightly rude, since Ivanna’s an adult and can take care of herself, but-</p><p> The Crimson Emperor certainly lives up to her names. When she was young, she heard whispers about the “Lady of Carnage” who started a war with all of Fodlan to satisfy her own bloodlust. Uncle Claude quieted the rumors as best he could once he found out, but Ivanna never forgot the fear and awe that people spoke with when they mentioned her. </p><p>“Emperor Edelgard.” He nods at her respectfully. Slowly, Ivanna tightens the grip on her lance. She might not feel comfortable enough to wield Areadbhar yet, but she can still fight if the Emperor tries to pull any tricks.</p><p>“Claude.” The woman in question smiles, and now that Ivanna’s closer, she realises the ‘red dress’ isn’t actually red- or a dress for that matter. It’s <em> prison rags, covered in blood</em>. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”</p><p>Ivanna is… not scared, of course not! She’s just justifiably worried, since anyone who can cage an Emperor <em> must </em> be terrifying. </p><p>“Are you willing to surrender or to fight by our side?” Her uncle asks, and she nearly chokes on her spit, because <em> what </em>?</p><p>“If you’re planning what I think you are, then I’m more than willing to lend my strength. I already owe you for the distraction you made earlier.” The former <em> Emperor </em>nods.</p><p>“Good! So, any idea what we're <em>actually</em> up against?” Her Uncle’s using his ‘forced relaxed’ voice now, so it’s <em> probably </em>safe, but- </p><p>“Hold on!” She cuts in. “We're just going to let her join? After everything she did? She <em> killed </em>-”</p><p>“And how many allies of hers have we killed?” Michelle’s voice interrupts, and Ivanna closes her mouth because while Michelle doesn’t say much, when she speaks, Ivanna <em> listens</em>. “Don’t forget, your cousin may have been a king, but he was also only a man.” </p><p>Okay. Alright, that’s a fair argument. She can do this. She's <em>Ivanna Demetrios Blaiddyd</em>, and part of being a good leader is understanding others. </p><p>“I have no intention of covering up my sins.” Edelgard begins, looking at Ivanna and Michelle like ghosts, “All I can do is <em> try </em> to clean up my mistake. If I die in the process, so be it.”</p><p>Uncle Claude winces, “Try not to, your highness. We want as many people as possible coming home alive.”</p><p>“But Claude,” Edelgard looks at him and lets out a broken laugh, “I don’t have a home to return to.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Michelle and Ivanna are sort of reflections of Byleth and Edelgard, except healthier, happier, and more willing to hear other people and each other out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nemesis makes no move to attack, or defend, and now that his cloak isn’t in the way, Byleth can tell he doesn’t even have a weapon. He just reflects their nod, and goes back to tending the rose bushes. </p><p>“Feel free to help out if you want to. Dig up any plants you don’t like, cut and plant anything you do, if you don’t want to do any of that, you can just sit and enjoy the weather.”</p><p>They freeze, before making their way over to the rock. It was the perfect height for them to sit on, when they relax on it, they notice that it feels <em> warm, </em> nothing like slabs that they rested on before.</p><p>“I’m guessing it was the Agarthans? No one else should have access to that kind of knowledge.” Nemesis continues as he ‘works.’ They should feel scared. Edelgard would have worshipped him if she believed in such a thing, and maybe it’s just the shock, but they’re going to trust that Sothis wouldn’t let them come to harm. </p><p>“All done for now.” Nemesis huffs as he turns from the rose bush. “Is there anything you want to ask?”</p><p>They don’t say anything, instead, they point to Nemesis, and tilt their head. They should try to talk, because if they’re truly free-</p><p>“Me, huh? Well, there’s not much to say. Like you, I was used by the Agarthans for their dirty work. Are you sure you want to hear this?”</p><p>They nod, they can do that much, at least. </p><p>“I don’t know how the story’s told now, so I’ll start from the beginning:</p><p>“Among my people, there’s the belief that once someone dies, <em> all </em> parts of their body need to be used. Bones, flesh, even blood. With parts of the body everywhere, the person or animal’s spirit could return to the earth, or empower the living. That was how inheritance worked- if two people had a disagreement about anything relating to the recently deceased, they would each tie a lock of the person’s hair around their finger and fight until one surrendered. </p><p>“Sothis was… not a goddess, but a guardian of people known as Nabateans, no doubt you’ve heard of them. She was always curious about humans, how we differed, how we weren’t, <em> everything</em>. Even during the mess that was the Agarthan-Nabatean war, when anyone saw her, they welcomed her with open arms.</p><p>“When Sothis died, well… word spread that her body was in a temple. In a <em> temple</em>, not even buried so her spirit could return to the earth! ...At the time, not many people knew about the reasons behind the Agarthan-Nabatean war. So when some Agarthans approached me and offered to help me honour Sothis with the proper funeral rights, I agreed. I believed that even the worst people would not curse their enemy to an eternal stone prison.</p><p>“I was a fool. They… After forging a weapon from her remains- as fitting for a warrior such as herself- I consumed her blood, as the only one willing. In the worst case scenario, if the earth did not accept her, she could pass on with me when part of me was buried, if she chose to.</p><p>“What I didn’t realise was the Agarthan’s knew that was part of our traditions, and planned for it. The original use of the Seals were to control Sothis herself, but a dragon is not so easily tamed, so they decided on the next best thing. </p><p>“I…” For the first time in the entire conversation, Nemesis doesn’t just look hesitant, he looks <em> exhausted</em>, and Byleth may not know the complete context of everything, but they know how this story ends.</p><p>“They placed the seals on me, and ordered me to kill every Nabatean in the city known as Zanado. In the beginning of the mess, my comrades were willing to stand by me, if only to drag me back to sanity when I declared war. They didn’t know the truth of what happened in Zanado until it was too late, and joined the young survivor as soon as they could. </p><p>“They were lucky. The seals only work on one with the Crest of Fames, and as I died childless, I believed that the horrors of what was done died with me.”</p><p> </p><p>They stare because-</p><p> </p><p>They got <em> lucky</em>, all things considered. The image of Flayn’s dead body will never leave their mind, and Nemesis killed an entire <em> city </em>of people like her? Hundreds of Flayns?</p><p> How was he still <em> sane? </em></p><p>He- </p><p>They-</p><p>Why do they even-</p><p> </p><p>They should-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was <em> dark</em>, why was <em> everything dark- </em></p><p>“-Breathe. Slowly, with me. We might be dead, but we still feel alive.” </p><p>Nemesis was sitting next to them. <em> Nemesis </em> was sitting next to them, rubbing their back as if they were a child. Had the end times arrived? Now all they need if for Sothis to tell them that Ede-</p><p>“<em> Sorry. </em>” They force out before they can finish the thought. It comes out like a whisper, but at least it’s said.</p><p>Nemesis doesn’t comment on their new-found voice. Instead, he just drops his arm. “You asked, and I offered. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”</p><p>They shake their head, and hold up one finger. Nemesis stares at it, confused, “Look up?” They shake their head, “Cursed finger?” <em> Where </em>did he even get that idea? They shake their head, “One?” They nod. </p><p>“One what? Town, country, family, child-” They nod. </p><p>“One child? You only took one life?”  They shake their head. </p><p>“...You only directly killed one child, but you took many lives.” He concludes, resigned. They nod, and Nemesis sighs the same way their dad used to when they did something stupid. “While I am grateful you care about my wellbeing, <em> never apologise for feeling that you suffered less than me.”  </em></p><p>He reads whatever look they’re sending him. “No. Listen, what you went through was a nightmare given life. You should never feel like it wasn’t enough, or that you don’t deserve help, okay?” They have a strong suspicion that Nemesis is talking from his personal experience, and not that he’s some sort of mind-reader. “If anything, I’m <em> grateful </em> you don’t have more than that on your conscience.”</p><p> </p><p>They stare, because in that moment, Nemesis reminds them of their father.</p><p> </p><p>And they’ve never felt safer than with their father. </p><p>They don’t trust him, not completely- they don’t even completely remember what trust <em> feels like</em>, and yet… </p><p>They close their eyes, and let themself lean on him. He’s… not warm, the way people who are living feel, but he’s not cold like the Agarthans, either. They feel like a… like a <em> child </em> again, which makes sense considering they never actually <em> lived </em>past that fateful day at Garreg Mach.</p><p>For the first time in the years that blurred together with horror and numbness, they <em> hope </em> they’ll be okay one day. They might not <em> believe </em>it yet, but belief is just a step up from hope.</p><p>It might take an eternity, but if Nemesis can find a ‘life’ for himself, then so can they.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nemesis: Ah, yes, I'll tell the child of my sins so they have nothing to feel guilty about.<br/>Byleth: *Feels guilty about not having it as bad as he did*<br/>Nemesis: ...I may have underestimated how strong guilt can be.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Byleth wakes up. They <em>wake up- </em>Which is odd, considering they’re dead, but a brief look around calms any panic they have. </p><p>The garden is slightly different- there seems to be a few more rose bushes, but besides that, they’re still lying on the rock, where they fell asleep ...Somehow. Death was a strange experience.</p><p>Hearing them wake up, Nemesis shifts away from the rose bushes so he can see them. “Glad to see you’re awake, anything in particular you want to do?”</p><p>They shrug, and almost shake their head before deciding otherwise. Now that they’re thinking about it, they know next to nothing about their current situation, and panicking about something that isn’t going to harm them is a situation they want to avoid.</p><p>It takes a few gestures- Nemesis doesn’t understand the sign language that their mercenary group used, but there were a few gestures that appear to have survived the thousand years. </p><p>After some truly astounding horrible guesses- how did <em>‘sleeping’</em> translate to ‘<em>floating’?- </em> he seems to have gotten the point, and their amusement mixed with frustration almost helps them forget the absurdity of the situation. </p><p>“<em>‘How was I able to sleep?’ </em>Well, this may be the afterlife, but anyone here can still eat, sleep, and breathe as well as anyone living can.” Nemesis shrugs as he plucks a black- now thornless- rose from the bush and plants in the soil next to him. Immediately, the plant seemed to not only grow roots, but straighten up, looking far healthier than it did a moment ago.</p><p>“If you want, I can tell you more about this afterlife.” Nemesis offers, then hastily adds on, “Or, I can just work quietly if you just want to take everything in.” </p><p>Byleth winced. They don’t want to be alone with their thoughts. Not now, not ever. They nod their head and hold up one finger. </p><p>“Option one? Alright then. I suppose I should get started on the basics.” He moves over and sits next to them on their stone bed. “First of all- The weather and day-night cycle in the afterlife is different for everyone. For me, it looks like a cloudy evening, I have no doubt that it looks like something else entirely for you.” </p><p>They nod, slotting the information away. It still looks like the same sunny afternoon it was when they arrived.</p><p> “This afterlife is basically built on <em>wants</em>,” He continues, crushing the thorns he plucked earlier and opening his hand to reveal <em>coals</em>, “They won’t catch fire until I want them to.”  He throws them to the middle of the dirt path. </p><p> It’s… nice, they suppose, having to pay attention to what someone was saying for one. Actually <em>trying </em>to listen rather than just go along with the words given, especially since this had nothing to do with combat or battle. </p><p>“Even the people we meet here are based on those wants.” Their head snaps away from the coals and towards his face. “Yes, if someone wants to see you, you’ll find each other no matter what direction you walk. The opposite is also true: you can spend an eternity searching for someone, and you won’t find them if they don’t want you too.” </p><p><em>Wait, What- </em>Was that why it’s so empty? Why they haven’t met anyone? Is everyone they knew before too disgusted by their actions? Did their father hate them for-</p><p>“Hey, talk to me. I have no idea what you’re thinking unless you tell me.”</p><p>“Didn’t meet anyone.” They choke out, “My fault they…”</p><p>The look Nemesis gave them was a cross between exasperation and sympathy. “Don’t forget, <em>you</em> also have a say on whether they see you or not. Do <em>you</em> want to see them right now?”</p><p>They hesitate, because <em>yes, of course they do, </em>but they <em>can’t </em>face them yet, and they're not sure they’ll actually be able to after what they did to them. </p><p>Nemesis then winces at his earlier words. “You can always sign if that helps. I’m not going to force you.”</p><p>They shake their head. They don’t want to see the others. Not yet. </p><p><em>Not ever</em>, a part of their mind whispers.  </p><p>“Alright. There’s one last detail you need to know, and it might come as a shock, are you prepared for it?”</p><p>They nod, only slightly dreading what he’s going to say next. Unless the last piece of information was something like ‘This is actually the Fields of Punishment and Sothis was just being cruel’ then they could deal with it.</p><p>No matter how heartbreaking it may be.</p><p>“This isn’t the only afterlife, this garden circles Sothis’ and connects to the others. The existence of other afterlives does not make anyone’s beliefs more or less valid than anyone else's, yes, each afterlife has different laws, no, I don’t know everything about each afterlife.” Nemesis sounds like he’s given this speech several times, and he probably has considering he’s technically over a thousand years old.</p><p>It’s… honestly not as shocking as they were expecting. Maybe it’s because they never heard of the Church of Seiros in their earlier years, but the idea of multiple deities each having an afterlife makes perfect sense to them. It’s probably the least surprising thing of this entire conversation, </p><p>They shrug their shoulders without bothering to change their expression, hopefully showing Nemesis that they’re completely fine with it.</p><p> </p><p>His shocked face at their casual acceptance is something they never want to forget. The smallest of smiles slips past their lips.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nemesis doesn’t seem to know what to talk about with them, now that all the necessary information has been said. That’s fine, they don’t know where to begin either. Eventually, he goes back to tending to the rose bushes. </p><p>They’re not going to touch Sothis’ garden, but… </p><p>They look at the coals.</p><p>It would be best to see how much they could do, just in case. Carefully, they move onto the dirt path and sit beside the coals. They have their dagger, but no flint. Nemesis said this world runs on <em>wants</em> rather than logic, right? </p><p>They hold their hand out to the coals and try to remember what it felt like to <em>want</em> something that they don’t need- information was useful, and they didn’t <em>want</em> to be alone, so they cling to that thought.</p><p>They close their eyes, and <em>think</em>.</p><p>They <em>don’t want</em> to be cold, more than anything, they <em>don’t want</em> to feel the humidity of their prison again. They want something that feels real- <em>The screams of innocents as they chased after Seiros- </em></p><p>No- </p><p>The need- </p><p>They <em>want</em> the warmth to feel small, dry, controllable and crackle instead of buzz and <em>shriek and beg</em>-</p><p>Their hand feels <em>warm</em>. Not stinging hot, <em>warm</em>.</p><p>They open their eyes. The coal in front of them burns, but rather than the red and yellow flames they’ve known during their entire life, the flame itself is <em>blue and green</em> with some shades of white and yellow. </p><p>It looks <em>beautiful</em>. </p><p>It's small, but they can feel the heat spreading through their body. Normally they would only feel this warm from a fire several times the size, and even though it burned, the pile of coal didn’t seem to <em>burn</em> the same way it did when they were alive. </p><p>They did this, to an extent. </p><p><em>They did this.</em> They made a small fire, entirely of their own will. They-</p><p> </p><p>No. </p><p> </p><p>No, this was Sothis’ doing, because they’ve never made anything so beautiful, and small, and fragile in their entire life.</p><p>All they’ve ever done was kill. They filled this afterlife with new souls and it was all <em>their fault, their fault</em>-</p><p>They hear Nemesis curse at the bushes for pricking his finger. </p><p>Nemesis is here. He’s committed the same crimes, and they realise, dully, that they <em>can’t</em> <em>blame themself without also blaming him</em>.</p><p>But-</p><p>They killed before they ever became Those Who Slither’s tool. They attacked Garreg Mach <em>before the war-</em></p><p>They had shoved those feelings down during their nightmare, but <em>something</em> seems intent on dragging them back up, and new guilt blends with the old. </p><p>As soon as they can form the words, they’ll tell Nemesis. It’s best he finds out sooner rather than later what kind of person they are.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Nemesis looks at the child sitting by the fire they made. They might not notice it, but they never sit still. They’re always moving in small ways, usually tapping their feet or fingers. </p><p>He’s not going to point it out, because if he does, they might stop, and them closing themself off is the last thing he wants.</p><p>Because guilt is one of the strongest beasts he’s ever known, and only a coward let’s another fight a beast alone. He knows it won't let go of its prey easily, but he’s given them a weapon. It may just be something as weak as a branch, but he can see it in their eyes.</p><p>There’s the beginnings of a fire within them, and their weapon may not be a sword or shield, but they grasp it with both hands regardless. They <em>want</em> to be okay, even though their mind rebels against the idea, and he’ll do what he can to defend them when they falter, for as long as he needs to. </p><p>He has, after all, nothing <em>but</em> time.</p><p> </p><p>“You know,” Nemesis begins, hoping to snap them out of their guilt, “The first time I came here, Sothis only had green roses. Can you believe it?” He pauses, and the child looks at him. They stopped looking at the flame a while ago, and just stare at nothing with a far too familiar look in their eyes. </p><p> At his words they turn to him, but lower their head. </p><p>Taking that as permission to continue, Nemesis keeps talking. “No one actually told her that the rose <em>flowers</em> weren’t supposed to be green, and no one said anything out of fear of disrespecting her. Naturally, the first thing I did after seeing her afterlife- she had only visited me in mine before- was tell her that there was no such thing as green roses.”</p><p>He chuckles. The look on her face at the time was so natural on it, but apparently completely out of line of what everyone believed the ‘progenitor goddess’ should look like. “She called me a buffoon, and said ‘Well, <em>clearly</em> there are, they exist here.’ And then-”</p><p>He stops as they rapidly shake their head. </p><p>They open and close their mouth several times, before scrunching their face and seemingly forcing the words out. </p><p>“Killed, before.” Was all they could fit out while pointing to themself.</p><p>“I know, and so have I-” They shake their head.</p><p>“<em>Invaded- Before.”</em> They hiss out, and Nemesis finally thinks he understands what they’re implying. </p><p>“You invaded <em>before</em> the seal?” He asks, and at their nod he adds, “<em>Why?”</em> </p><p>They open and close their mouth before giving up, and he mentally curses himself. Regardless of what they did, there are very few people who actually <em>deserve </em>what the Agarthans did to them. It’s his job to <em>support</em> them, not question them. </p><p>Quickly, he adds “You <em>can</em> sign if it makes you feel more comfortable.” Because trying to take back his words now would make them sound like judgement.</p><p>They shoot him a <em>look</em>, and he keeps his smile off his face, because by the forgotten, Sothis gives him the exact same look when he does something foolish. </p><p>They make the motion of a slit throat. “They were going to kill you?” </p><p>They shake their head, and make the motion again, only this time holding their hand low by their side. Ah, that’s one of the motions Sothis makes for <em>small.</em> “They were going to kill a child?” </p><p>They shake their head. “<em>You</em> were trying to limit <em>deaths</em>.” </p><p>They nod, and continue. He pays careful attention, because if there's more to the story then just that, it’s probably best he knows. </p><p>The make the same motions Sothis does for <em>sudden</em> -a falling rock- and <em>attachment</em>- two hands closing together. </p><p>“It was a sudden thing, and you were close to the one attacking?” He asks, just to be sure, and they nod, somewhat shakily. </p><p>So, they seem to have picked up some of the signs Sothis uses when she’s too frustrated to tell him in words. Not all of them, since Sothis’ sign for ‘one’ was something different, but he just needs to keep that in mind when talking. </p><p>Shoving those thoughts aside, he kneels slightly, so he’s no longer taller than them, “You were backed into a corner and messed up. While intentions don’t make up for everything, I have no doubt you would have <em>tried </em>to set things right if you had the opportunity.”</p><p>Their expression doesn’t crumble the way most peoples do, but he can tell from the change in their shoulders and eyes that this is what it looks like for them. </p><p>They close their eyes, and make the signs- <em>Trusted, not trusted-</em> and he understands. </p><p>“You trusted the wrong people?” They nod, and he lets a bitter smile cross his face, “So did I, little drake, so did I.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was originally going to make this a happy chapter, I swear, It was going to be Byleth realising they can't blame themself and funny stories from Nemesis, but along the way, it just tuned into this.</p><p>Also, Nemesis friendship with Sothis is them basically insulting each other for all the stupid things they do, but having eachother's backs. They're pretty close, mainly since most people Sothis knows are either her children or her worshipers, so she visits Nemesis when she's having a bad time.</p><p>She also disappeared when her crest stone was used as a heart, causing panic the first few times, but after the 5th time it happened, everyone just shrugged and moved on.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a short chapter, but in all fairness, I really wanted to post the artwork.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nemesis is wrong. Everything about their situations were different.</p><p>Because there’s a big difference between <em> stealing a body for funeral rites </em> and <em> Helping someone invade a church. </em></p><p>Byleth lets him keep the lie anyway.</p><p>They try to ignore the shiver that crawls down their back, and look at him, now eye level with them. Nemesis just nods, giving them a knowing look.</p><p>“Do you want me to talk about something, or work in silence?”</p><p>They shrug. He can do either. They don’t-</p><p>They-</p><p>They don’t <em> want </em> everything to be quiet- <em> they don’t want to be alone- </em> but they know they don’t deserve-</p><p>“Alright, feel free to help me with the garden, or don’t, if you don’t want to.” He says as he stands up and walks back to the rose bushes.</p><p>At least he knows. They tell themself. He knows, and doesn’t judge them.  <em> At least he knows. He knows he knowsheknow- </em></p><p>Their thoughts are cut off by the small sting of heat that they feel from the fire. Perhaps it’s foolish, but- <em>how painful-</em></p><p>They pick it up. </p><p>They were expecting for it to either smother beneath their hands or burn them. It does neither. </p><p>They feel warmth- not just on their skin, but- They <em> feel warm</em>.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like Sothis.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like Sothis, but they don’t d-</p><p>“So, did I ever tell you about that time I told Sothis that honey was a meat and she believed me?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>At their look, Nemesis smiles. He knows feelings don’t just vanish, and trying to take down everything all at once is impossible, and he may prefer to confront everything in hopes that it would work, but he can do this. </p><p>“In all fairness,” he continues, “She turned my hair green the week before because of a bet I lost, and I told her what honey really was afterwards.”</p><p>Distraction is an effective method when fighting against a beast that requires constant attention. </p><p>They tilt their head, curious, and Nemesis wonders if they’re doing it deliberately or not. “Well, I told her that honey came from crushed honey ants which bees would hunt…” </p><p>It’s a silly story, but it's one of his favourites, especially since almost anyone in this afterlife would be scandalised that he <em> dared </em>do such a thing. The child, however, seems completely fine with the idea. </p><p>At first he thought Sothis only called him back because there was another who went through what he did, but if they knew Sothis personally, that would make sense, considering she doesn’t uphold the goddess imagery for very long- not that she wants or tries to.</p><p>If they were her companion, then he has all the more reason to help them. </p><p> </p><p>He notices that when he gets to near the end of the story- when Sothis turned any meat he planned to eat into honey- they seem to be falling asleep, and Nemesis is slightly worried about how much sleep they got when they were alive, for their <em>soul itself</em> to want sleep so badly.</p><p>He knows from first hand experience that the Agarthans would only give them the bare minimum.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Artwork of adult Sothis (without her headdress) and younger Nemesis:</p><p>  </p><p> </p><p>And one of Sothis and Nemesis' argument by <a href="https://iturbide.tumblr.com/">https://iturbide.tumblr.com/</a> (Seriously, look at their tumblr, it's amazing):</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nemesis has about 100 stories of Sothis and his arguments and following prank wars, which isn't surprising since they've known each other for over 1000 years, and still clash heads.</p><p>Nemesis' 10/10 plan for when Byleth starts self-loathing (and they're too emotionally exhausted to confront it head on) is to spring one of these on them and hope it's distracting enough.</p><p>The good news is, from here, things will hopefully have less angst.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok, this is the chapter that I'm most nervous about, so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE comment to let me know what you think about it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Byleth wakes up, the first thing they notice is that despite falling asleep on the ground <em> holding a fire </em> they’re not on fire. In fact, Sothis’ fire hasn’t left their hand, it just sits there, somehow harmless.</p><p>Nemesis, surprisingly, isn’t tending to the rose bushes for once. Instead, he appears to be trying to shape the vines into something. Then, after one falls to the ground, he sighs, placing his had over them, and the vines <em> change. </em></p><p>They turn a bronze colour and start to curl around each other, before crawling up in a bulb shape and forming a hook. Somehow, <em> glass </em> beings to spread around the </p><p>It’s a small copper <em> lantern</em>, made from <em> vines</em>. </p><p>It’s the perfect size for the flame. </p><p>“It would fit well on your belt, if you want to carry the flame around.” Nemesis explains holding the lantern towards them. They take it without hesitation, it’s only when they look at the flame in their hand that they freeze.</p><p>They don’t want it to go out, but they also don’t want it to dim.</p><p>Slowly, gently, they place it in the lantern. </p><p>It just glows brighter, and they let go of a breath they didn’t realise they were holding.</p><p> </p><p>They finally remember that they fell asleep during Nemesis’ story.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> They fell asleep while he was talking to them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. OH NO, no, no- </em>
</p><p>‘<em>CONTINUE STORY!’ </em>They sign in a rush, exaggerating their gestures.</p><p>“You… want me to finish my story?” He asks, hesitant and sounding confused. <em> Wait, </em> if he didn’t notice they fell asleep during it, then they just made the entire situation worse. <em> S- </em></p><p>“I’d love to, of course.” He grins, and almost looks like he was going to celebrate, “Now where did we leave it… Ah, yes:</p><p>“So, Sothis decided to turn all of my meat into honey for that, and when a follower of hers saw it happen-”</p><p>They watch as he recounts what happened, seemingly without care in the world. This was… peaceful. </p><p>“-almost started believing honey was cursed, so I said-”</p><p>It was <em> safe, </em> they realise abruptly. There was no need for a lookout, or traps, or half-sleeping, or- </p><p>“-then, he told someone else, and it was probably warped from there, since-”</p><p>Their shoulders loosen, and they allow themself to <em> relax. </em></p><p>“-so if someone says honey and bees are a gift from the goddess, they’re wrong, but don’t tell them that to their face.” Nemesis stares at them, oddly intense despite finishing the second half of his story on such a calming note. </p><p>There’s silence, now that Nemesis isn’t talking or tending to the rose bushes. Byleth still can’t hear any animals, and-</p><p>-their hand curls around their dagger hilt out of habit, because <em> silence means danger, and danger means- </em></p><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why would he- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That- </em>
</p><p>They stare, because there wasn't any indication that he would- no great speeches or gestures, he just finished his story. The words were said the same way someone would say “The night sky contains stars.” As if it were a fact. </p><p>They only realise they’ve been staring for a while then they notice that the bush next to Nemesis has already grown.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>This time, they were prepared if he said something like that again. He may have already caught them off guard the first two times, but he usually brings it up when-</p><p><em> ‘Can’t talk easily’ </em> they sign in response, ‘<em>Can’t do anything.’ </em> </p><p>They used to at least be able to talk in full sentences. They used to be able to-</p><p>
  <em>-kill-</em>
</p><p>-fight, eat, have tea, and <em> do things with their time. </em></p><p>“You’re injured and healing. <em> You are not broken. </em>” </p><p>They flinch. They know he’s wrong, they just don’t have a counterpoint yet.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>They can never predict when he’ll say something like that, but he rarely interrupts his stories, so they have their truths ready. They’ve had it ready since he last spoke. ‘<em>I killed people, before.’ </em></p><p>“You tried to do the right thing.” </p><p>
  <em> ‘It didn’t matter in the end.’ </em>
</p><p>“When the end comes, nothing matters. Does that mean people shouldn’t try? Failure alone doesn’t make someone a monster.” He stares at them like he knows the fate of their students, as if their failures somehow measured up to Byleth’s. “<em> You are not a monster.” </em></p><p>They curl up in a ball. <em> He’s wrong, he’s wrong, he’s wrong. </em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> “You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>‘<em>I was a mercenary, I killed for money.’ </em></p><p>“Would you call your fellow mercenaries monsters?”</p><p>They recoil, because their father was never a monster, and-</p><p>
  <em> Your fault- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Liar- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He’s wrong- </em>
</p><p><em> Not </em>true-</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p><em> ‘I hurt my students.’ </em> Their hands are shaking. It shouldn’t feel more damning than everything else, but it's true. They hurt their students, and what kind of monster puts hurt feelings over human lives?</p><p>“Did you try to make up for it? Did you <em> care? </em>”</p><p>What kind of question was that, <em> of course they- </em></p><p>Nemesis gives them a look that speaks louder than words. </p><p>
  <em> ...Liar… </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>‘<em>You're wrong.’ </em></p><p>“How so?”</p><p>They don’t have an argument. </p><p>They rub their eye. Tears aren’t an argument. They don’t make a sound. </p><p>Gently, Nemesis rubs their back.</p><p>
  <em> ...He’s wrong. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>They don’t say anything. They have no idea what to say.</p><p>
  <em> He’s wrong? </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> Then what am I? </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> He’s… </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I… </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> ‘Why do you try so hard?’ </em>
</p><p>“Because it’s the truth, and I know a part of you wants to believe it too.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> Didn’t some of your students wrongfully believe they were monsters? That they were <strong>broken?</strong></em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> He’s- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I-  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Was- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Wrong. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -am not- </em>
</p><p> <em> -broken.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Liar. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Liar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken, I am injured. I am healing. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> But what if- </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken, I am injured, I am healing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I don’t know if I’m a monster. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken, I am injured, I am healing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nemesis believes I’m not a monster. </em>
</p><p>They trust Nemesis.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> He’s biased. He’s wrong. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> ‘I’m useless.’ </em>
</p><p>“Someone’s ‘usefulness,’” He spits the word out like it leaves a bad taste, “shouldn’t dictate their <em> worth. </em>”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I… am not broken, I am injured, I am healing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It… doesn’t matter if I’m useless? </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You are not a monster, you are not broken.”</p><p>
  <em> I am not broken, I am injured, I am healing. </em>
</p><p>They trust Nemesis. </p><p>
  <em> I… am not… A monster </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Even if I don’t believe it yet. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nemesis is so proud of Byleth for asking for things</p><p>Nemesis: "So, Sothis asked for me. There might be someone else who was in my situation, any suggestions?"<br/>Gautier: "Just remember that, to them, you might be a stranger or an enemy, so try to be gentle, alright?"<br/>Nemesis: *Thinks about that time Blaiddyd screamed at him for two hours about how he wasn't going to abandon him just because of what he did while controlled.* "Got it, gentle, I can do that."</p><p>Nemesis: *Waits until Byleth feels emotionally prepared/just about to doubt themself, and then hits them with a sledgehammer of self-worth.*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We've made it out of (most of) the angst!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It almost becomes a pattern- They listen to Nemesis’ stories as he works, while they try to turn Sothis’- <em> their </em> flame different colours, shapes and sizes if they were feeling well enough. If they weren’t, they would just breathe in the warmth, and listen to Nemesis’ stories instead of their own thoughts.</p><p>Because when they do nothing they think <em> those </em> thoughts- the oppressive ones that seem to come from all different angles to down out anything else. And they know they might des- <em> that they do not </em> deserve it, and it’s <em> too much</em>.</p><p>They say <em> almost a pattern,</em> because-</p><p>Things don’t blur together, and they’ve been sleeping less.</p><p>Each time Nemesis tells a story, they <em> remember the details</em>, and lately, they’ve been able to stay awake long enough to hear the silence and the start of the next one, if they gesture ‘<em>continue</em>.’ </p><p>Gently, they hold the currently-golden fame in their hands. It’s a different type of warmth right now, the feeling that comes after a long day of exercise.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not a bad feeling.</p><p> </p><p>The story Nemesis is telling now is about that time Sothis almost threw one of her worshipers off a cliff for trying to imply that Nemesis shouldn’t be allowed in Sothis’ afterlife. </p><p>Honestly, if the worst that happened to said worshipper was being dangled a few hundred meters in the air, then the bastard got off easy, as far as they’re concerned, Nemesis<em> definitely </em> deserves to be here. He has the patience of a <em> saint</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Nemesis, like always, had given them the “you can help tend to the garden, if you want, or don’t, if you don’t want to.” Speech beforehand, and they-</p><p>-They’ve been preparing themself. They can do this. </p><p>Carefully, they place the flame back in the lamp, and turn towards a particular bush that’s been bothering them for the past few days.</p><p>The bush in the shade near the vines. It looks healthy- beautiful, even, and has uncomfortably bright red flowers. </p><p>
  <em> Carnations. </em>
</p><p>...He <em> did </em> say they could get rid of any plant they didn’t like.</p><p>They walk over to it. The bush itself looks fine, but the <em> flowers </em>…</p><p>They look <em> regal</em>. </p><p>Byleth kneels in front of it, and grabs their dagger. It won’t be enough to just cut off the flowers, they’ll grow back. </p><p>Instead, they place the dagger next to the bush, grab the centre of it with both hands, and <em> pull.  </em></p><p>The bush comes out surprisingly easily- the roots are deep, but closely connected, so when the plant comes out, only a few strands remain in the ground. Gritting their teeth, they stride over to the rock that they used as a seat when they first came here, letting the bush fall before they might tear it apart in their hands.</p><p>With luck, it will dry out on the rock. </p><p>After, they walk back to the hole in the ground that they created and pick up their dagger. The roots will be difficult to remove, but, but if they angle it just right, then they can pull it out without getting too-</p><p>“Here,” Nemesis interrupts, throwing them a pair of gloves, “It’s probably best you use gardening gloves for gardening.”</p><p>They nod and take the pair. The gloves aren’t like any they’ve seen before, with small metal points at the end, the rough outside material being an odd white, and when they slip the gloves on they realise just how soft the material is.</p><p>They don’t think they’ve felt anything so comfortable in their entire life. </p><p>With the gloves on, it’s much easier to dig up the remaining roots, and while they don’t time themself, they think they finished quickly. </p><p>The roots join the bush on the rock.</p><p>It looks ugly now, roots exposed and drying. The red will probably fade to brown in a few hours, and a knot inside them untwists.</p><p>They don’t know if they feel <em> better, </em> not yet, but they do feel <em> satisfied. </em> They look at the rose bushes which seem to consist of every colour there is. They should probably plant one of those in the soil…</p><p> </p><p> “Want to plant something in its place?” Nemesis asks, as they walk back to their self-designated resting spot.</p><p> <em> 'Later’ </em> They sign as they sit down and tilt their head up. It’s not much, but it’s a <em> start</em>, and from Nemesis’ proud grin, he knows it to.</p><p> For the first time here, they feel a soft breeze.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Unlike with the carnations, there’s no mental preparation for this, they just think it, and sign it before they can take it back.</p><p>'<em>Being still hurts, </em> ’ They sign, because they don’t know the right way to describe it, <em> ‘Bad thoughts, too many. Ideas?’ </em></p><p>Nemesis smiles. He always seems happier when they <em> ask </em> for something, even if it’s something small.</p><p>“Do you feel comfortable plucking flowers?” He asks.</p><p>They nod, slowly. Uprooting an entire bush again will take time, as will finding something besides dirt to fill the with, but plucking flowers is fine. They just don’t like the idea of plucking flowers whenever they need to sit still.</p><p>“Good. I’m going to show you how to make a flower crown.” Nemesis says, pulling some de-thorned roses off the bushes.</p><p>They nearly laugh, and they hold it in at the last second, but their face must show what they’re feeling, because Nemesis blinks in surprise, and then adds on “Sothis taught me!”   </p><p>That only makes their eyes water as they try desperately not to giggle. </p><p>They end up shredding their first one, but Nemesis insists they try it again. By their third attempt, it starts to stay together, and by their sixth, the crown looks whole. It’s nice, making something that isn’t <em> necessary </em> like a campsite.</p><p> </p><p>They hear a bird chatter in the distance, and a deer run through the forest. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Byleth wakes up. </p><p> </p><p>Nemesis is tenting to the rose bushes- removing each thorn individually, while muttering curses that make no sense.</p><p>Everything seems fine.</p><p> </p><p>They <strong>scream</strong>. </p><p> </p><p>They don’t know why, nothing's <em>wrong,</em> but they <em> scream </em> louder than they ever did when they were alive.</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Nemesis turns around, and they only stop for a second to breathe before they start again. This time, their scream almost sounds rough and broken.</p><p>Surprisingly, that seems to relax Nemesis, as he just sits next to them, and rubs his hand against their back. They always knew he was crazy, the <em> sane </em> response would be to panic, to try and quiet them, to-</p><p>“Just let it out. No one is going to stop you.” He murmurs, which is a surprise, because Nemesis’ voice always had a <em> presence. </em></p><p>Slowly, their screams become softer, calmer. Their throat heals before they can feel any damage, and they start to sob.</p><p>They don’t feel ashamed for wrapping the cape Nemesis offers around themself. </p><p>They’re okay. Nothing stopped them. They’re okay. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No one's going to stop them.</em>
</p><p>They're next to Nemesis, wrapped in his cloak. They’re <em>safe</em><em>. </em></p><p> </p><p>They let out a shuddering breath.</p><p>‘<em>What did you do,'</em> They sign, not looking at him, <em>'when you first </em> <b> <em>knew </em> </b> <em> you had freedom</em>?’</p><p>“I sang.” Slowly, they turn to stare at him, and he just chuckles, somewhat bitterly, “Really. Believe it or not, I was a singer before everything happened.”</p><p>Alright, so Nemesis sang before everything went horribly wrong. That was… interesting. All Byleth had known before they died was mercenary work. They remember Dorothea used to sing, before the war. What was the place she wanted sing at called…?</p><p>“In an…” Ah, that’s right, it was called, “Opera?” The word feels odd coming out of their mouth, but it doesn’t feel like they’re <em> fighting</em>, only that they need to push it out.</p><p>Nemesis bursts out laughing. At their look, he only laughs harder. “No, no! Nothing like that. I sang during funerals!” </p><p>
  <em> ‘Never heard of that.’ </em>
</p><p>“Well, when someone died, it was my job to sing for them when. The song itself contains knowledge and encouragement, giving the spirit the strength and guidance to move on if they chose to. Before each battle, I would sing, in case someone’s remains weren’t found.”</p><p>“Do you…” They begin, because singing at a funeral seems pointless when they’re in the afterlife ‘<em>Still sing?’  </em></p><p>“Sometimes. Never that song, but I still remember it.” He says, his tone wistful.</p><p><em> ‘Is it safe to teach me? Not rude?’ </em> They sign, because they may be interested, but if it’s something sacred, then it’s best they don’t touch it. <em> Not because their hands have blood on them</em>, but because they know so little about Nemesis’ traditions. </p><p>“I can, so long as you don’t sing it <em> to </em> anyone unless you're teaching them.” He then chuckles and adds, “We’ll you <em> can </em> sing it before a death or at a funeral, but I doubt they’ll be any of that here.”</p><p>The song Nemesis sings feels so full of <em> life </em> and <em> strength </em> and <em> hope, </em> and they can’t help but stare in admiration.</p><p> </p><p>They don’t understand the words, but when they hear it, they feel <em> brave. </em></p><p> </p><p>Despite their attempts, they can only sing half a verse and hum the rest, but they’ll get it. </p><p>Even if they can’t, they’re never going to forget the song.</p><p> </p><p>They notice the shadows along the ground grow larger, and the sky shifts from day to night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nemesis' curse was “I hope The Forgotten turn your undergarments to thistle." It makes sense in context.</p><p>Updates will probably slow down from here, since some of the scenes need more editing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sothis’ world is never <em>too much</em>. It’s never too bright- clouds appear when it starts to feel like that- or too noisy, or heavy. It’s night and day when it feels <em>right.</em> It always <em>fits</em> in a way they never believed possible.</p><p>It’s never too little either- it rains when they need reminding they exist, and <em>shines</em> when they start to feel a weight on their shoulders. The animals in the forest make noise when they feel like it’s just them and Nemesis alone in the world.</p><p>It is a world made of <em>wants</em>, not needs. </p><p>Maybe they don’t deserve it, just because they were a victim, it didn’t mean that they-</p><p><em>I am not broken</em>. They force themself to think before any other thought can overtake them. <em>I am healing. </em></p><p>They take a deep breath in. </p><p><em>I am not a monster</em>. </p><p>Nemesis believes they’re not a monster, and they trust him. They <em>trust </em>him, in a way they haven’t in so long that they don’t remember what it feels like. The memories are old, but if they remember correctly, their relationship with Edelgard had been built on… Sympathy? Sympathy and the need for approval. </p><p>They shudder. <em>Definitely </em>not a good relationship, even before everything.</p><p>They look through the various flowers in the garden. They only feel comfortable using some of the vines to make the flower crowns at the moment, but they keep an eye out to see if there’s anything they want to plant.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The first time it snows, Sothis visits, and they may not have a heartbeat, but they swear it stops in their chest for a moment. The snow itself is odd- landing on the plants, but never weighing them down, and a part of their mind registers that not only is Sothis an adult, but she’s <em>almost twice as tall as them.</em></p><p>The sheer <em>difference </em>between this Sothis and the Sothis they knew during their life is enough to shock them into not apologising.</p><p>Nemesis takes one look at the two of them, nods, and walks down the dirt path until he’s out of sight. </p><p>“Hey.” Sothis smiles, but despite that, they can see her eyes start to shine.</p><p>“Sothis,” They say, gently holding her hand, proving that she’s <em>there,</em> “You’re crying.”</p><p>“Of course <em>that's</em> the first thing you notice!” <em>Ah</em>, still the same Sothis, then, “You’re tearing up too!”</p><p>They laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation, “That doesn’t mean <em>you're</em> not.”</p><p>“You fool.” Sothis mutters fondly as she kneels down and wraps her arms around them. They freeze for a second before they allow themself to relax. </p><p>“Sothis, I’m sorry I worried you,” They let themself hold her to, “<em>Thank you</em>, so much for waiting… I’m sor-“</p><p>“Nope!” Sothis abruptly exclaims, she flicks her fingers, turning some of the snow to hail right before it hits them, “Only one Sorry per person, any more and I’ll be forced to take drastic measures!”</p><p>“But…” Gently, she strokes their hair, before pulling away, “Don’t worry, I was willing to wait as long as I needed to for you to be ready, and… You’re welcome.”</p><p>Their vision is blurry, and they know it must mean they’re crying, but they’re not sad in the <em>slightest</em>. They just relax there, in one of their oldest friend’s arms, and they remember what true trust and friendship felt like <em>before.</em></p><p>Still, they can’t help but wonder…</p><p>“Is it true that Nemesis once convicted you that bees hunt honey ants for food?” </p><p>Sothis stands to her full height as her expression twists. “That buffoon! I fall for his lies <em>once </em>and suddenly that’s all anyone talks about! Good gracious, when I see him next…”</p><p>They would smile wider, but they think if they do, their cheeks might be permanently stretched. </p><p>It’s a nice feeling.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sothis grins in return at the small smile on Byleth’s lips. Their smile may be small, but their eyes show just how happy they are to see her, and she can't deny that she feels the same way.</p><p>The two of them talk about what they’ve been up to while separated. It’s a new experience, since neither of them had actually been <em>away</em> from each other for long, but they manage.</p><p>Byleth talks- and signs- about flower crowns, animals, and Nemesis, and Sothis talks about her followers and children- she doesn’t mention <em>which </em>children she’s been meeting, as she has no intention of sending her friend into another spiral of self-loathing when they’ve only started to recover. </p><p>She’s not foolish enough to deny that she’s somewhat selfish- if Byleth were to panic, they’re heart might reject her <em>despite </em>it being so close, and Sothis would have to wait for them to accept the pieces- the cycles, the animals, the weather- before seeing her again. </p><p><em>Regardless</em> of any of that, Byleth is her friend, and she’s willing to wait at long as she needs to if their heart rejects her again. </p><p>Because no matter what they might think, their heart will never reject Nemesis- someone who <em>understands </em>and can <em>help</em>- because deep down, all humans <em>want</em> someone who understands.</p><p>Much, much, later, after her and Byleth run out of conversation topics, and Nemesis returns to enjoy the relaxed silence between them, Sothis leaves with a flower crown of lilies, and her heart feeling lighter then it’s been in a while.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>From Byleth's POV: They're grinning so wide they might rip their cheeks.<br/>From an outsider's POV: They're smiling a perfectly normal amount.</p><p>Sothis is finally here! I wasn't 100% sure how to write her, so let me know if this feels in character, or if there's any way I can improve.</p><p>...I suddenly feel the need to remind everyone that while this is all happening in the afterlife, Ivanna is rebuilding/ruling Fodlan after a re-taking the continent like in one of the older fire emblem games. Her friendship with Claude helped trade relations a lot. I don't know why I felt the need to write this, probably because I won't touch on the living world at all in this fic.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...I just realised the song “In Our Bedroom After The War” actually kind of suits this fic. I have no idea how it happened.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s after a few meetings with Sothis- they’ve only caught up to talk, since there aren’t any mysteries, or ancient cities to explore- when Nemesis asks Byleth the question. </p>
<p>“Why would Sothis being tall surprise you? She lords it over me each time we meet!”</p>
<p>It’s not surprising that he would notice their shock at Sothis’ change- change back. When they see her, a part of them always expects her to be a child, so they constantly have to remind themself to <em>look up</em> when facing her whenever she isn’t sitting or kneeling next to them. </p>
<p>She doesn’t mind that they don’t always angle their neck up at her, but it feels <em>odd</em> seeing her <em>taller than them.</em></p>
<p>“When we met, she…” How do they put this without sounding rude…? ‘<em>Was in a child form.’</em></p>
<p>Nemesis stares. Opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. “You mean she looked like a <em>five year old </em>when you met her?!”</p>
<p>“Eleven.” they correct, because Sothis would kill them if they said anything younger.</p>
<p>Nemesis just blinks, and for a second, Byleth worried that they broke him. Then, Nemesis grins like every celebration had come all at once. “I am <em>never </em>going to let her forget about that.”</p>
<p>They sign ‘<em>good luck</em>’ because they have a feeling Sothis has <em>far</em> more blackmail on him and his friends, but they don’t tell him that, enjoying Nemesis’ laugh.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>My fault, my fault, my fault, </em>
</p>
<p>There’s only the slightest warning before those thoughts hit, and they drop the crown they were making beside them. </p>
<p><em>Not human, </em>they don’t bother trying anything. Not yet, when it’s like this, <em>less than a monster, </em>when they try to do things when it’s like this, it just gets worse. <em>Those Who Slither’s weapon,</em></p>
<p>They curl up on the ground and try to count their breaths. There’s nothing they <em>need</em> to do, so they wait, like the <em>useless-</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Useless and worthless and unable to protect-</em>
</p>
<p>Nemesis doesn’t say anything- last time he tried it only became worse- he just walks over and rubs their back, and they don’t know if it’s helping or not. A part of them hate that he’s here, that they <em>waste his time</em>. They’re no longer with each other all the time, <em>so why couldn’t this have happened when he was somewhere else.</em> He’ll probably say something after, not that they-</p>
<p>Think positive. Good things, small things. They’re not a mon-</p>
<p>
  <em>They’re less than-</em>
</p>
<p>They’re not-</p>
<p>
  <em>They-</em>
</p>
<p>Okay, okay, that’s too much. When was the last time it was this bad? It was-</p>
<p>-it was <em>at least a year ago</em>.</p>
<p>They cling to that thought.</p>
<p>Time doesn’t work the way it should here, but they know with certainty that the last time it was this bad was more than the equivalent of four seasons ago. The last time something like this happened it was around six months after the incident before. They went <em>at least </em>six months longer than they did before without this- <em>mess.</em></p>
<p>They can’t bring themself to feel happy about it, not right now, not when they don’t-</p>
<p><em>No, </em>don’t think about that, just think about how long it’s been. It’s been <em>over a year. </em>They know how to rebuild themself from there. It’s been <em>over a year</em>. That means they've been getting better. <em>They've been getting better.</em></p>
<p>Sluggishly, they move over to the lantern, and remove the flame. It’s now an almost invisible blue, but it still burns without harm, gently, they hold it in their hand until they fall asleep.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Gently, Byleth weaves the flower crown of roses. They made sure that all the flowers- yellow, white, and pink- were ones that appear in nature.</p>
<p>They’ve already removed all the thorns- on these roses and several others- doing so took more than enough time for the exhaustion of what happened a few days ago to wear off.</p>
<p>They intend it as a gift for Nemesis. Even before <em>everything</em> went wrong, they were a mercenary, and Nemesis doesn't shun them for it. They don’t really have much use use here since-</p>
<p><em>Use is not worth</em>, they remind themself. Nemesis and Sothis look at them like they have worth regardless, and <em>Their worth is <strong>not </strong>determined by their use or by other people.</em></p>
<p>This is a ‘<em>thank you</em>’ gift for helping them, to show they care. </p>
<p>...do they <em>know</em> how to show others they care?</p>
<p>They wince at the memory of their papa’s death- something that had long since been burned into their mind. He was <em>happy</em> that they cried when he fell, and a part of them worries that he never <em>knew </em>they love him.</p>
<p>They… remember giving people gifts… and tea parties… and kind words… </p>
<p>...That's how people connect, wasn't it? Was it enough? Were they supposed to do more?</p>
<p>They don’t remember much else.</p>
<p>
  <em>They don’t even remember what they were like before and-</em>
</p>
<p>Abruptly, they stand up- taking the flower crown with them. “I’m going to talk to Sothis.” They announce to Nemesis as they walk down the dirt path.</p>
<p>Nemesis didn’t have <em>those</em> types of issues, nor did he know what they were like before, but Sothis does.</p>
<p>The last thing they need is for <em>those </em>thoughts to spiral.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>When they’re a good distance away, they whisper “Sothis, I want to talk to you.”</p>
<p>Sothis will no doubt have heard them, since they want her to have, and they wait. While she <em>can</em> be in multiple places at once, she tends to get a headache when she tries to focus, rather than just keep it in the back of her mind.</p>
<p>Sothis appears the way she usually does when called- In a flash of light. She only glances at them and their half destroyed flower crown once before she asks “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Sothis,” They take a deep breath, <em>One thing at a time,</em> they remind themself, “Am I… good at comforting people.”</p>
<p>“Beg pardon?”</p>
<p><em>‘Am I,</em>’ They sign slowly <em>‘good at-’</em></p>
<p>“-comforting people, yes, I understood that, but-” Sothis hesitates, thinking over her words, and her tone changes to something far more calm and serious. “Listen, Byleth,</p>
<p>“<em>Everyone</em> has their own ways of comforting people, and everyone has their own way of being comforted. <em>Your way is fine the way it is. </em>You put thought into the way you comfort people, and if someone has a problem with it, or doesn’t let you know that they don’t understand it, then that’s <em>their </em>problem, not yours. It <em>only</em> becomes yours if you know it hurts them in some way, and you keep doing it.”</p>
<p>They allow the words to wash over them, and stare. Sometimes, they forget that Sothis regained over a thousand years’ worth of memories- her appearance may have changed, but it was usually only the small things that reminded them, not grand speeches like this. </p>
<p>“I don’t remember much before-” They hesitate, and switch it sign. Sometimes, the conversation was too heavy for them to say it out loud. </p>
<p>‘<em>My memories of Garreg Mach are blurry,</em>’ They begin, <em>‘and I barely remember anything from </em>before<em> then. Did I care?</em>’ Because the one thing they remember far too clearly is everyone commenting on how much they’ve <em>changed</em> and <em>started to care,</em> and <em>they don’t know if-</em></p>
<p>“Byleth, the first time I used my powers on you, it was because you died to protect someone you never met before.” Sothis states with her arms crossed.</p>
<p>They flinch at the tone, but- she’s not <em>wrong</em>. </p>
<p>“My memories are much clearer than most peoples,” Sothis uncrosses her arms and sits next to them- sitting down, she’s about the height she was when they were alive- “If you want, I can tell you about before. The parts I was awake for at least.”</p>
<p>“No.” They won’t deny they’re tempted, but… “If I remember, I remember. I’m not going to force it.” </p>
<p>On a lighter note-</p>
<p>“Can you help me with the flower crown? It’s a gift for Nemesis.” At Sothis’ grin, they quickly add, “No pranks.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Remember when I said I was though most of the angst? Yeah, this is why. Sometimes, you have really bad days where you can't even thing of the positive things you could the day before, and the only thing you can do is try to go though the motions and wait it out (usually from a build up of things, but sometimes it just happens). </p>
<p>It’s taken a look time for bad days to become this rare, though- for a while, it was every day, the every second day, eventually once a week, and so on and so forth. It’s taken Byleth *years* to reach the point where a bad day is rare, and now that they have, they can finally start accepting that they deserve love too (which is another thing they need to work on), and start reching out to people.</p>
<p>...In case it isn't obvious, I really dislike it when people say Byleth is emotionless. Showing emotion in a way that people recognise and feeling emotion are two different things, and I feel like people forget that Byleth was 100% willing to die for a stranger at the start of the game, when they were "emotionless." </p>
<p>(Me? Projecting my own “too emotionless”/“too emotional” issues onto another character? It’s more likely then you think.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you like this story, I once again recommend looking at the blog: https://iturbide.tumblr.com/ They have a masterlist of their ideas that they're writing up, and so many of them are amazing! </p><p>...Look at it even if you don’t like this fic (but if you don’t like it and have read this far, I wonder why), that doesn’t change how amazing their writing is!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why <em>do </em>you pick the thorns off the roses?” They say it out loud to make sure it catches his attention. Nemesis turns at the sudden statement, since while they <em>do </em>talk sometimes, it’s rare for them to be the one asking questions instead of just standing close by until Nemesis either talks or dismisses them.</p><p>Nemesis looks away, and they hope they didn’t cross an unseen line. If they have, they might-</p><p>“...I made a bet with Sothis.” <em>Wait</em>. It wasn’t <em>shame</em> but <em>embarrassment</em>. They smile, because <em>Nemesis</em> and <em>embarrassing</em> only brings hilarious thoughts to mind.</p><p>“A bet.” They state, and see his head give the slightest nods. “With Sothis.” Again, he nods, and just to confirm this wasn’t while he was alive- “In her own <em>afterlife</em>?” The <em>what were you thinking</em> goes unsaid and unsigned, but it reaches him anyway, even though he wasn’t facing them.</p><p>“I never claimed I wasn’t a fool.” He coughs, still looking at the rose bush. “...I told her there were so few non-green roses in her Afterlife that I could pluck every thorn from them and be done within an hour. Naturally, she responded by growing as many roses as she could at the border. I find it very relaxing now.”</p><p>“...This was why she turned your hair green, wasn’t it?” They remember him mentioning it in his other stories, and try to imagine him with green hair. In their mind's eye, they can see it.</p><p>Green hair suits Sothis better.</p><p>“Maybe.” Nemesis responds, and they don’t need to see his face to know how desperately he’s trying not to let the situation get to him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>‘<em>I never knew their names.’</em> Byleth signs over the firelight. They have no idea what the sky looks like to Nemesis, but to them, it’s a cloudy night, and their flame burns between them and him in a bright yellow. ‘<em>All I knew was that the army was led by a Blaiddyd, and an Almyran Lord- Claude von Reigan. When they arrive, I plan to thank them.’</em></p><p>Nemesis nods in understanding. “I have similar plans, if the young survivor ever wants to meet.”</p><p>Byleth freezes.</p><p>It’s an innocent statement, by all accounts, but they realise that <em>Nemesis doesn’t know</em>. </p><p>Slowly, to make sure they sign clearly, hey sign, ‘<em>Her name was Seiros.’</em></p><p>Nemesis blinks at the stress they put into the past tense, and asks “Was?”</p><p>He knows what it means. They both do, and it’s proof of how far Byleth has come that they don’t fall apart.</p><p><em>‘I killed her, under <strong>their </strong>control.’</em> There’s still more they need to say. They won’t say everything, only Seiros herself has that right, but Nemesis should know the basics regardless. <em>‘I was her nightmare brought back.’ </em>In hindsight, they can see <em>why</em> she made the decisions she did- she had been cracking for a long time, and with Seteth <em>gone</em> and her fears brought back, she <strong><em>crumbled</em></strong>.</p><p>That doesn’t make what she did “right” in the slightest, but they at least understand why. Seiros never knew how to step away from it all, and it destroyed her in the end.</p><p>‘<em>She broke, hurt innocents. I didn’t save them, only chased her</em>.’ They don’t give their mind the chance to spiral this time. Nemesis already knows they left people to die. <em>They</em> already know they left people to die, and they know that there was <em>literally nothing they could do</em>. </p><p>That doesn’t erase the guilt, but it makes it easier to push back.</p><p>“She wouldn’t be too happy to see me, would she?” Nemesis asks, and there’s a bitter smile on his face that they reflect.</p><p>‘<em>Definitely not</em>.’ Because Sothis was probably with her, helping her heal, and the last thing Seiros wants is to see the man that took everything she loved close to her mother.</p><p>Who knows, maybe in a few thousand years, with her family close by, Seiros will heal.</p><p>Byleth doesn’t know how feel about her. They don’t know how they <em>should </em>feel about her, and that’s… <em>okay.</em> Their lives were <em>messy</em>, and <em>complicated</em>, and that’s all they can say for certain.</p><p>“I still don’t know your name, little drake.”</p><p>They relax in the firelight. They <em>could</em> tell Nemesis their name, but on the other hand...</p><p>‘<em>I’ll tell you later.’</em> They wonder if Nemesis can understand their expression, but even if he doesn’t… <em>‘I promise.</em>’</p><p>It’s more than just a promise to tell him. Byleth doesn’t talk about their students in detail, and that’s fine. Nemesis never talks about the ten elites.</p><p>It’s a promise to meet again, after, and <em>see</em> the people who made them who they were <em>before</em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Nemesis stares at Sothis, betrayal clear on his features. If only the little drake knew how dangerous she truly is. Even he didn’t know until this meeting, and they would probably never find out since they wandered down the path to find some sort of flower.</p><p>“Sothis,” Nemesis begins, slowly, “Have you known these things the entire time… and just acted like you didn’t… to drive your followers insane?”</p><p>“Since the third time I left.” She gives him a smug grin that makes him want to scream. She was <em>never</em> going to let him live this down now that he had a way to fight against the height comments. “And <em>you </em>fell for it.”</p><p><em>Since the 3rd time she left</em>? </p><p>“You’ve been deliberately watching your followers squirm <em>for 300 years.</em>” He stares in awe. If there was ever a time she lived up to the title of <em>Goddess</em>, this was it. “I need to know. Teach me your ways.”</p><p>Sothis just laughs, the trickster that she is.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The little drake returns, carrying several valerians in their hands, and Nemesis watches them work to re-plant them with carefulness that made the plants seem like they were made of glass. It looked like they were filling the hole with <em>treasure</em> instead of greenery. </p><p>Maybe for them, it was treasure. He has no doubt the plants will flourish. </p><p>It’s only when they step back that Nemesis realises that they turned the flowers <em>blue, yellow, green, and brown.</em> He hides his wince. Thankfully, some of them were still white, but of all things, did the child have to inherit <em>that </em>from Sothis?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
The world doesn’t blur. Not the way it used to, which is odd, considering how everything- the weather and day night cycle- changes differently for each person, after all, so by all means, it <em>should</em>. </p><p>Time is also odd here, since it <em>feels</em> like years, and no time at all, and when it blurs, it does in a gentle way that lets you remember with a fondness that they never felt without bitterness. </p><p>They wait about a hundred more hours before they start preparing. </p><p>They’re going to be okay. Most of the time, they already are.</p><p>They wait until it looks like morning before they bring it up.</p><p>“If I keep walking, will I find the bridge to the Almyran afterlife?” It has been coming for a long time, and they’re ready. More importantly, they <em>know</em> they’re ready.</p><p>Nemesis glances at them, and he smiles. It reaches his eyes, even if he does look sad. “Yes, if you want to find it. Are you planning on going soon?” </p><p>“Yes.” He already knows what they’re going to do, and there’s nothing more to be said.</p><p>“Alright. In that case, I’ll head back once I’m satisfied with this part of the garden. You can visit any time.” They nod. One day, they’ll tell him the full story of what happened, but their students- all of them- deserve to know first. </p><p>And that will take time.</p><p>There’s nothing more to be said, and yet… </p><p>Gently, they hand Nemesis a flower crown. It’s made of lilies, valerians, and of course, thornless roses. He gives them a pat on the shoulder, and they smile in return, giving his hand a soft squeeze.</p><p>They take a pair of gloves with them, and remove their dagger from their waist, making sure not to damage the lantern. Once, the dagger made them feel safe, but now they look at it and just see a burden. </p><p> </p><p>They leave their dagger behind on the rock, next the dust that was once the carnations.</p><p>When Byleth walks away, they don't need to turn back to know that in the dirt, the valerians are in full bloom.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...And, that's the ending, next up: the Epilogue! (You know you're tired when you can't spell that... or the word "can't" ...I'll re-check this ch when I wake up in the morning. I'm just going to post it before I can think twice about it.) This and the next chapters were actually the first drafts I wrote after ch.1 and ch.2.</p><p>Let me know if it came too much out of nowhere. While it may seem short, some of the conversations in the story are days/weeks apart. I didn't want to just write chapters of conversations between Byleth, Nemesis, and Sothis, because as much fun as that would be, whenever I try to write it, it comes out forced. (One of the resons my B:RotN fic is taking so long is because I just want the characters to talk to eachother but. They. Won’t. Cooperate.)</p><p> </p><p>On another note, have a random wall of text that I couldn't find a way to fit in, so I'm shoving it here: {There is comfort in knowing they’re like Nemesis- not a chosen one, or a god, or a goddess- and despite not being completely human- just a person. A person who became part of a mess not because they were chosen by the goddess, but because their mother wanted them to live, and that's okay.</p><p>…Sometimes, they think Edelgard stopped viewing herself as ‘only a human’ and instead as ‘the one who must save Fodlan’ ...Maybe that’s why she was never willing to work with others- or maybe not. It doesn’t really matter any more.}</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Epilouge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And we're at the epilogue! ...The story was originally only going to have 4 chapters- 2 while Byleth was alive, and 2 after they recovered in the afterlife, but then I thought "Doesn't that seem... cheep?" and then this fic was extended 9 chapters!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Professor.” A masculine voice calls out, and they hesitate for a second before turning around. It took a while to find where this afterlife meets the Almyran one, and it’s the one place they <em> know </em> Claude will cross. If he wants them to, they’ll see him.</p><p>But the voice that greets them isn’t Claude’s.</p><p>“Dimitri.” They reply, softly. He looks healthier, which was to be expected since he no longer had the weight of the Kingdom on his shoulders. He looks older than he was at the academy, but younger then when he died, which is surprising, considering there was a war at the time.</p><p>They wonder what made him so happy. They don’t let themself wonder if they destroyed it for more than a few seconds.</p><p>“I was afraid you didn’t want to be found.” He grins sheepishly, and they realise that he’s not wearing anything that makes him stand out as a king- he still looks like a noble, but not a king. </p><p>It makes them feel less bad about greeting him covered in dirt and leaves.</p><p>“You wouldn’t have found me, if I didn’t." Nearly all of their students would be able to find them if they tried, Byleth wants to let them decide to come or not, but seeing Dimitri here…</p><p>It made them <em> want </em> to find their students, more than they already did.</p><p>The only people that would never find them were Edelgard, Hubert, and anyone from Those Who Slither- if Sothis <em> ever </em> allows them in.</p><p>“Ah, good.” He clears his throat, “That’s good.”</p><p>They smile, somewhat encouragingly. They may not talk all the time, but it's been awhile since they’ve had company. “How’s death treating you?”</p><p>“It’s… nice. More peaceful then I imagined.” That’s to be expected, considering their last encounter.</p><p>“Agreed. Not nearly as much flame as I was expecting.” They give him what they hope is a wry smile.</p><p>“Was- was that a joke?” The look on his face speaks volumes, and they almost laugh. </p><p>“No.” They shrug, and brush the dirt and leaves off themself. They were never good at telling jokes, they tried once with Nemesis. He started crying when they did and whispered "<em>Not you </em>too."</p><p>Whatever it is Dimitri wants to talk about, he’ll get to it eventually. If he wants an apology, Byleth will give him one, if he wants to curse them for eternity, Byleth will accept it. </p><p>“Sothis told me,” They stare, waiting for him to elaborate. Sothis tells people many things, not all of them true. “About what was done to you.” </p><p><em> Oh</em>.</p><p>“Oh.” They don’t know what to say to that, because what is there to say? “Why did she tell you?” </p><p>“When I died, I demanded to know <em> why</em>. Why she blessed you, if your soul longed for war, <em> why </em> you followed Edelgard if it didn’t.” He closes his eyes, as if mentally preparing himself. “I didn’t think I would be able to forgive you, because you didn’t seem to <em> care </em> or hesitate on the battlefield, and I… didn’t think that would change when you died.</p><p>“And then Sothis told me what was done to you, and I… I couldn’t hold on to that hatred for you anymore, even if it took longer than it should have for me to forgive you.”</p><p>They realise, abruptly, that this conversation is closure for Dimitri, probably more than it is for them. Even if Dimitri seemed stable compared to the mess that everyone else was, that didn’t change that he was in pain too. </p><p>They nod, and walk just close enough so that he can see the look in their eyes. “That’s fair. I'm not going to seek revenge, but I’m never going to forgive Edelgard, and her greatest sin against me was ignorance.” </p><p>Dimitri winces, either from her name, their abrupt movement, or the look in their eyes, and just sighs, relaxing.</p><p> </p><p>The silence is comfortable, and they wait for Dimitri to talk, because they know there’s something else he wants to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeralt can’t seem to find you.” Dimitri states, looking away, “Any particular reason why?”</p><p>“I’m not ready yet.” They have no idea what to say when they meet him. So much changed after he died, and they don’t know how to talk about it. </p><p>Dimitri blinks in surprise. “Not ready? You’re fine with talking to me.”</p><p>“Yes,” they hesitate, “but you knew what I became before you died, papa… didn’t. I don’t want to burden him like that.”</p><p>“<em>Burden? </em> Professor, Jeralt doesn’t care about that! You’re his child, and he’s worried about you!” They wince at the idea of papa waiting for them. Even though he has mother, he’s looking for them, and they… </p><p>“I <em> know</em>. I know he probably already knows about everything, but… I’m not ready, not yet.” Something in their chest <em>hurts</em>, and they decide, in that moment, that if this conversation doesn’t end in a fight, that they’ll start looking for their students, and after that, their papa. </p><p>They might never be ready, but Forgotten curse it, they’re going to <em> try. </em></p><p>Understanding flashes though Dimitri’s eyes, and he nods. “...Alright, but if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here for you.”</p><p>They smile. “Thank you.”</p><p>“...Please tell me I’m not the first person to offer that.” Dimitri’s voice sounds pained, and they hurry to reassure him. </p><p>“No, don’t worry, I have Nemesis.” He was basically their family at this point with how much he helped them. They should give him another flower crown next time they see him. </p><p>One with healthy, de-thorned, brown roses, so he gets into another argument with Sothis about how flowers work. Those were always hilarious, especially when Sothis becomes so frustrated she starts using sign language. Her curses became <em> creative</em>.</p><p>“<em>Nemesis? The king of liberation?” </em> Dimitri seems to be choking on air, and that’s when they realise how strange it might sound to someone else.</p><p>...With everything that was going on, they honestly forgot about Nemesis’ titles and place in history.</p><p>They should probably explain that. Nemesis <em> did </em> give permission to talk about his past. “Nemesis wasn’t given the weapon to fight off wicked gods, in fact, the Sword of Creation was originally made from Sothis’ bones…”</p><p>Just like when they were teaching at the academy, they let themself talk about the subject until they get the basic knowledge down, and then answers any questions that Dimitri has.</p><p> </p><p>Later, they’ll ask if he’s willing to guide them to the other students, but for now, they relax in the sunlight and just <em> talk. </em></p><p> </p><p>They know, with absolute certainty, that they’re going to be okay.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's it! I hope it didn't come completely out of nowhere, but sometimes, plans go out the window, even in the afterlife, and Byleth realises that they just need to roll with the punches, and maybe talk to the people that are already here rather than wait for someone who might not come for years.</p><p>("Forgotten curse it" is something that Nemesis says when he's frustrated or feeling stubborn, Byleth picked it up.)</p><p>When Byleth does meet Claude, it can go a number of different ways depending on whether or not Edelgard told him about Those Who Slither's control- she might have decided to keep it a secret and destroy the information so there's no chance of it being used again, but knowing Claude, the meetings probably going to go well regardless.</p><p>On Dimitri's side of things- once he was ready to find Byleth, he used Jeralt looking for them as an excuse to find them and gain closure about what happened.</p><p> </p><p>Flower Index:<br/>Carnations- Edelgard's favourite flower, symbolises purity and luck. Red carnation symbolise deep love and affection, but red with white stripes symbolise regret and unshared love.<br/>Lilies (white)- What the tapestry of Sothis wears, symbolises rejuvenation of the soul, used in funerals.<br/>Valerians- Sitri's favourite flower, symbolises health, strength, being prepared or readiness and awareness of what is to come.<br/>Roses- Nemesis' favourite flower, pink symbolises gratitude, grace, and joy; yellow symbolises friendship and caring; and white symbolise innocence and purity.<br/> </p><p>A random comedy scene that I never shoved in the story:<br/>Byleth: "I'm planing on thanking your cousin for killing me."<br/>Dimitri: "Ah… Well, Ivanna isn’t actually my cousin.”<br/>Byleth, using The Tone: “Then h- Dimitri Blaiddyd, did you-"<br/>Dimitri: “Neither of us thought we were going to survive the mission!”<br/>Byleth: “Does Ivanna know?”<br/>Dimitri: “No. No one did. We all- even my uncle- agreed it was safer if she was his child, less chance of a crest, so less chance of being seen as threat.”</p><p>Meanwhile, in the world of the living:<br/>Those Who Slither: "How can you work with the Empror, she killed your father!"<br/>Ivanna: "Nice try, Rufus was killed by one of your agents!"</p><p> </p><p>Headcanons for the end of the war in the world of the living:<br/>-Edelgard now wears black with light red highlights in honour of Byleth. She no longer holds any status, but isn’t in horrible circumstances due to her help taking down TWISTED.<br/>-The Empire became something of a democracy. The people each choose the leige of their land, but they still answer to a central power. It’s a work in progress.<br/>-The alliance, after receiving so much help from Almyra, bacame known for it’s trades.<br/>-Duscur was restored, and giving it’s status back.<br/>-Ivanna inherited the throne of the Kingdom, and with Michelle’s help, it bacame known as a kingdom built for the people from all walks of life.<br/>-...Ferdinand may or may not be in charge of most of the Empire now. He’s doing a pretty good job in terms of lifting commoners up. The people love him.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please let me know if I made any errors in the story! Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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